I feel it very strongly…the 3 year itch. How my family has continued to support me, as my life has demonstrated crazy change over three year periods for the last three decades, baffles me. Yet, here I am – antsy, ready for a big change…a geographical move, a professional focus change, SOMETHING!!!
My greatest long term gig is my marriage. Again, the baffling. Hubby has put up with my short attention span for 27 years now; more if you count the living together days – which I am sure he does with an inflated number taking account for emotional distress. I think at last check, Hubby felt like we have been married a century or more.
At this two and a half year mark since we moved from NC to FL, that “time to move” itch, is well, itching like a bad poison ivy got me. I am trying so hard to ignore it! This time, I really need to ignore it.
The kids are settled and looking toward their futures… two years left for the tennis team, two years left at the local college before transferring, one has great job here. For their sake, I need to chill.
That, of course, makes my skin crawl and I feel confined.
But, I am really trying to feed that itch in different ways. I can’t believe I am going to give Hubby credit for the choice I am about to make, but I am going to heed his advice he has given us all these years: think of something else.
He may regret that.
As a 48 year old woman in good health, I have so much to be thankful for. I have four beautiful children with very different personalities that I have been privileged to raise, nurture, and homeschool. I have a wonderful husband who gives me space to be artistically crazy, indulges my whims, and who made 19 moves in 27 years of marriage seem like a normal thing people do. I have a background in art, business, and education which allows me to have a professional life that I call the shots for. Yet…
I was lost for a while and I am just now beginning to find myself again. So The Finding ME Project in health, self-esteem, and soul is my distraction.
First: health – physical and mental. I’m juicing now. (Okay, well not right this minute…I just had a s’more) For those of you who know me personally. I don’t cook. To clarify…I CAN cook, I just choose not to. My family also chooses for me not to cook. But that’s a story for another day.
Juicing is actually my answer to my problem of being a vegetarian (for 22 years now) who doesn’t like vegetables. Actually, now I go by the label “Vegan plus Desserts.” It works for me, don’t judge. Hubby is an omnivore that I have eaten across from for decades. We coexist.
Juicing makes me feel so good! I have never been short of energy, but the energy I have after juicing is different…fresh, light, good spirited. It’s hard to explain; I just feel it.
My latest study focus is on earth elements and their meanings. I am learning about crystals, herbs, energies, and healing. I am practicing sage cleansing, meditating with the tibetan singing bowl, studying the science of enlightenment, and yoga.
***One of my favorite resources I am studying right now… and I love
Second: self esteem. My undergraduate degree is in retail; fashion merchandising to be exact. I used to be into clothing, shoes, accessories, etc – my kids find that so hard to believe since they only know me in my bohemian style, the perfect mix of color and flounce to camouflage “the extra pounds of mommyness” I carry around. (Mind you…s’mores don’t help this issue at all.)
After my last appearance at EPCOT ended, I decided a little clothing makeover was due. I have a lot of studio meetings and presentations, and I need to step up my style. It was fun the last few weeks shopping for clothes that express my personality. I’ve been wearing old duds (see the picture at the start of this post – pretty, huh?!) that I can get messy in for so long that I forgot how a cute dress with fringe is a boost to my self-confidence. Still dressing bohemian, but purposefully so; and not because XL hides it all. And yes, the fringe is very important.
So for me, projecting a look of self care aids my feelings of confidence. The “Finding ME” Project has to do with how I present myself to the world too. I still may go “squishy looking” (thanks Kyle) in Target but then again I may wear cork wedges to go pick out spinach at the Farmer’s Market. So exciting!!!!
Of course, the growth of my art career and BoiLeD BooKs is growing and that helps tremendously with my self-esteem. I am blessed to be invited to sell my art at Disney World and to travel to teach workshops. Still, I want to continue to reach down deep and always create with passion; presenting to the world my authentic self as an artist.
Third: soul searching…going tiny. My obsession with wanting to live in a tiny house is rooted in one very personal fact, but the rest I’ll share. I love leaving only a small carbon footprint, living a minimalist lifestyle, and being able to move our humble abode. I cannot wait, which confuses our children. We can’t comfortably fit our family of six in a tiny house so Hubby and I are waiting until a couple (at least) are on their own. I am in no way rushing that moment to come! I am just looking forward to my changing life at that time as well.
How does going tiny work in with soul searching? All of these things that surround me are pieces of me; some good, some bad, some indifferent, yet all me. When I look at something, I remember when I bought it, who gave it to me, or when I made it and how long it took. When I sell a piece of art or one of my BoiLeD BooKs, I feel a piece of my soul going out into the universe. Well, all of these material things around me are my soul and I have to pare down.
Having already cut our square footage in half with the move from NC to FL, I know how freeing it is to purge. With each item gone, I feel lighter. The more I get rid of, the more I find myself open. As I downsize by 75% this time, I expect I will discover a lot about myself, reflect on choices I have made, and find promise in the future as we move to the next phase of our journey.
So the question is…Are you ready to engage in your own “Finding ME” project?